This is not about the infamous Alfred Hitchcock black and white, although some have equated this topic to murder or a death sentence. I want to talk about the M word….Marriage. I going to try and lightly touch this topic because at some point I will pursue this type of relationship. This is for the individuals who think marriage is a wasted effort. It’s a step to no where, a hassle, or an inconvenience. Or who question why people still get married, I mean what’s the point.
I had a conversation with a male friend about a month ago. He argued that 1) he didn’t see the purpose in marriage in today’s society because the divorce rates prove that marriages do not work. He said 2) it is best to stay in a “committed” relationship with someone without the “marriage” label. He said as long as you love that person, it should not matter. As you can tell, this was a good conversation, depending on your position. Let’s dig in.
Where do I start with this? Why get married? Besides the tax benefits (just kidding)…getting married is the highest plateau of relationships. It is a blessing. Marriage is a true testament of commitment with someone you love because you are pledging to be with someone for the rest of your life. Love, sacrifice, compromise, commitment, these are a few things that go into this relationship. With just these few pieces of the puzzle, we should agree that marriage takes two to work. What is the purpose of marriage in “today’s society”? The purpose has not changed. It shouldn’t. You are making a life commitment with someone you love. Period. You should not care about how society thinks and how it has portrayed marriages. Society is fickle. Just a thought.
I am first to agree that, at my age, it is rare to see marriages last longer than 5 years compared to our grandparents, who are celebrating 25 – 50+ years together. I think that majority of Generation Y (people born 1980+) have a different view about marriage. To name a few, most are getting married because of an unexpected pregnancy, there are dependency issues or just because “I want the fairy tale wedding/ring.” Marriage is work (from what I hear) but I don’t think you have to be married to know it is hard work. Any relationship worth keeping is hard work, especially if you are talking about for a lifetime. So what happens when you realize that this is not what you wanted? Divorce of course. For most, that’s the easiest move to make. I think EXTREME cases should only warrant this option. So now that this option is as easy to make like paper or plastic, the divorce rate will go up. In the end, you are left with an even more skewed sense of what marriage is about.
“I’ve been committed for 6 years, but I do not want to get married.” What is that about? I think people who choose to be with someone for 5+ years and do not intend on getting married are scared or are just NOT truly ready to commit. This is a life long commitment. These people would rather “play house” but when times hit rock bottom, I believe they will be gone. Isn’t it easier to leave someone without going through all the legal woes that divorce can bring? Isn’t it quicker to pack bags and go stay with your family? If you are quick to make these decisions, then I don’t think you are ready for marriage. When in a marriage, these should not be options. I do think there are situations that are just not meant to be and in those cases, it’s best for the party to split, but I think you should weigh all options before going this route. There are many resources out there that are suppose to help you keep the relationship in tact when you think you’ve run out of options. Talk to your pastor, your parents or perhaps a marriage/relationship counselor can work. Don’t sell the relationship short. You should not give up.
What have we learned? Marriage is the truest testament of commitment with someone you love but it takes some work to maintain. It is not impossible. Once you’ve found a partner that is willing to stick it out and who loves you unconditionally, you will be in the best relationship. If you are not ready, just date..LOL.. The dress, the cake, the “status” will come soon enough. This way you will not be a statistic and you will be learning who you are and what you like, so when the time comes, you WILL be ready.
5 comments:
Ok, I guess I will leave not just my two cents but how about nineteen dollars and eight cents....
When a man approaches a woman and says are you single. Her response no I have a man. He says I dont see a ring on your finger. lol Funny but true. Technically, you are checking the single box. There is no section for those in a "committed relationship"
On the first point that divorce rates prove marriages don't work. divorce rates are an illustration of the results that people are taking marriage too lightly. People are more apt now to get a divorce before because these days divorce is ok. These days you do what feels good so if things are getting tough dont bother just get out and divorce. People no longer respect the sanctity of marriage.
2) When he says stay in a committed relationship what does that mean? What makes your relationship qualified as a committment? Who deemed it as such? YOU? If I am buying a car, I need a contract. A house, a contract. Many other things people wont agree to without a contract but me spending my life with someone. No thanks, I guess I'll take your word for it. I dont think so. If our so called committed relationship isnt worth that label that is qualified by GOD then how much does it really mean?
I am not married but I will be because I believe marriages are blessed and ordained by God. It is more than a label. It is the manifestation of a true committment. Everything else are labels we make along the way to either get to that point or tolive day to day in the moment.
Dang, I didn't realize I had so much to say. I guess I should get back to work and keep the rest to myself. :)
You know the real reason why generation "Y" has issues with marriage. Most of the ones I know have not seen a successful one from a ground zero level....their parents usually weren't married. Its great to see your Grandparents married but when you can't see it every day for better or worse, you really don't have an example to live by.
From my own personal experience, all of my sucessful relationships were with people you came come families with both parents in the house. More issues seem to always pop up when i am in relationships with people that come from one parent households. This goes all back to setting examples but I think it very relevant when it comes to marriage.
Also, marriage scares folks these days because it really means 'I'll ride or die with you, Boo!' and folks don't are a little bit to selfish and lacking in courage to step up to that task.
This is one man's opinion.
I think that is a great point brown eyes and as unfortunate as that is my hope is that if you dont have an "in your face" example you can look outside of your own household and aspire for more. My parents are both remarried but my goal is to get married only once. I guess sometimes we can accept what we see as reality or choose to want more and make that our reality....
While there still are some who marry because of the fact that there is a pregnancy, my understanding of God's Will, as derived from the Holy Bible and Church Teaching is just the opposite. When I was a child there was a jump rope ditty that went something like this:
"Joey and Suzie, sitting in a tree,
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
First comes love.
Then comes marriage
Then comes baby in a baby carriage"
In the Book of Genesis, God says: "Be fruitful and multiply."
The primary ends of marriage is children, although you wouldn't know that with all the DINKS (Double Income, No Kids) out there. God's plan is that two virgins get married at Mass, then are open to new life, cooperating with God in going from a couple to a family and presenting their children back to God through the Sacrament of Baptism so as to grow and straighten the Church.
I think this is an interesting topic. I recently got married, and it's gotta be the best decision I've ever made. We have constant disagreements, but with God's help, we work through them.
Prior to getting married, I had the idea that I had to be a certain way, or have A-Z in order before thinking of getting married. God corrected me. Until death, every person works towards perfection. For Christians, until we receive our resurrected bodies, we will continue to fall short. This does not mean that we shouldn't strive toward being better. It only means, that there is grace and room for error.
So why then, do we ask for a "Perfect Mate" when we ourselves aren't there? Being married assists in your perfection process. The problem is, lots of people don't want to change. They don't want to see their stank, and don't want anyone telling them about their short comings. So we have a high divorce rate.
The Mystery of Marriage is like our relationship with Christ. As soon as you think you know the Bible front to back, or think you have a "good" relationship with Him, God always has a way of revealing Himself more. There is always more of Him to learn and to receive, and more of yourself to change. Marriage is the same. When you think you've figured your mate out, they pop up with something new. This isn't a bad thing, but it keeps the marriage fire burning.
We need to ask God for longsuffering and diligence in order for long lasting marriages. Although their are successful marriages that aren't followers of Christ, having Jesus makes the process easier.
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