Hey, are you single...give me the quick answer?

Why does this question, for most, come with an explanation like you stole something? Why do we have several sub-categories for this word, Single? Why can’t we give a straight forward answer? Let’s take a closer look. I have decided to visually show you how our generation chooses to use other words when in fact their status is Single. By the time I’m done giving my $0.08, you’d have a better understanding of how I would answer the main question. So what is the TRUE definition of being single?

Hey are you single? Well I'm....

Society

• Talking to folks
• Dating
• Kicking it
• Exlcusively Talking/Dating
• Got a Girlfriend/Boyfriend
• Single
• Married
• Separated (still Married)
• Divorced
• Widow

Government:

• Single
• Married
• Divorced
• Widow

Here is my comical view of how society likes to define relationships, situations, and status. The first five reasons usually come with a laundry list. Now let’s look at how the good ole government classifies our status. Do you see the difference? It’s pretty straight and to the point. It seems like this is normal in Generation X and Y. If I asked my grandfather, what my status was, he’d say Single without hesitation. It’s because I’m NOT married. Webster defines single as being “unmarried.”

For my humor, let’s break some of these “statuses” down…The following are MY definitions of these words (short versions).

Kicking it – hanging out, not spending too much money. Usually the checks are separate. You haven’t told anyone about this person. If you were going out with this person and your boy/girl called, you’d change your plans. Nothing serious.

Dating /Talking – This is the time when one is getting to know people. During this process, you are finding out what you like. I think you can date and talk to as many folks as you see fit. I think you are considering your interest during this time.

Exclusively Talking/Dating – Let me say, this is a “status” that I heard in college. Apparently it means that you’ve found one person to hang out with. You actually tell a few folks about this person and don’t mind being seen in public.

Girlfriend/Boyfriend – This person takes rank over friends, in most cases. For some reason everything goes from “I” to “We”. Family knows of this person. A picture of the both of you is sitting on the table from one of those photo booths in the mall. You are “committed.”

GUESS WHAT?....You are still single……. If I’ve missed something…feel free to comment. I’d love to know more..

By the way…no charge:
Separated (Still Married) – To me this is the “What did I get myself into..I need some space to clear my thoughts…but I still wanna be married….wait…I think so…etc” status…I wouldn’t touch this person/situation with a 10 foot pole

Have you ever been out and guy/girl grabs your hand to see if you are wearing a wedding band, that means he or she is checking to see if you are single, no wedding band equates to fair game. Some might say, well that’s not fair, I have a man/woman that I am devoted to and I go to the club. My question would then be why are you at the club? LOL... that’s a different blog topic.

So let me ask you this, you say you dating or talking to someone. When you complete your taxes, do you check single? Or do you write in, “I’m currently dating?”... Let’s stop creating these various statuses. When you go out, and someone yells "where the single ladies" I'm sure those hands will be raised. At the end of the day, dating, talking, hanging out and even the boyfriend/girlfriend terms hold no true weight.

I’ve concluded we are all single until we are married. This is based on my understanding of the bible. We all will be married once God shows us, man and/or woman our complementary mate. Only then should we should say we are NOT single.

The Salty Saga: Part 1. The Salty Sidekick…Are you the hater friend?

“Salty Saga”…what is this? Well this is a mini-series that will have several parts. Part 1, I will try to tackle the “salt like friend”...as it pertains to relationships.

Has this happened to you?

~~Random Conversation ~~
Me: Hey girl, I went to Lenox (mall in ATL) and guess who I ran into, our old college boy, Joe Jones

Salt: Word? Don’t he got a girlfriend?

Me: Well, I don’t know. I just hadn’t seen him in a while.

Salt: Well, I heard he had a girlfriend and has been with her forever.

Me: Oh, well that’s nice. I got some shoes. They are fierce. They will look cute with the dress imma where tonight to the party. You still going?

Salt: I don’t know, Jay is throwing that right? He hangs with them Iotas. They are dogs. They will break your heart.

Me: Um…Well, I was actually tryna see Steve. He owe me a drink from that last time we hung out. He’s crazy

Salt: Steve? Don’t he hang with Ronald? I think Ronald is married. He got some babies on the way.

Me: Well….girl this is my other line…Imma hit you later

That’s just one scenario…oh and I have experienced that…LOL.

When I talk about “salt” or “salty”, I’m referring to someone who comes across as bitter, scorned, don’t like it because you got it or don’t like it because everyone else has it. I think everyone has a friend or knows someone who has experienced the salty friend. What’s interesting is you don’t know they are salty until something doesn’t go right in their life.

Does this individual realize they are coming across so negatively? It seems like IF they even think you met someone or are the slight bit interested, they throw their salt. They got to let you know how they think and how that’s not a good look. Now every man is a dog, every guy that looks at you or her has an agenda. Don’t tell them about a wonderful night you had or a gift you received. You will be shut down by their need to let you know, it’s not all that. “I’d be careful” “Why he do that, how long ya’ll been together?” “Joe did that for me, he ain’t sh!t.” Okay that last one might be a bit extreme, but it has happened. The most popular is a friend who likes to bring up someone from your past that you clearly don’t talk about and ask questions, they already know the answer to.

The funniest situation a friend shared with me was the reaction she kept receiving when she didn’t answer the phone. Let’s just say she went to the restroom and missed the call. The salty sidekick, said “Oh you must have been with Daniel.” (an ex of yours…pure sarcasm…)… “When’s the last time you talked to him.” I about died when I heard that, especially since the girl knew what happened with that situation and it wasn’t good to say the least. Why do they do these things…our so called friends?

Who wants to be negative? Who wakes up and says, “Hey, since I feel like crap, I’m going to make you feel that way.” I think that individuals become bitter when they have been hurt very badly. I’m talking about, “I loved him and he slept with my sister” hurt. Instead of ironing out the situation, they have lost hope on anything that is good. Many times, the smallest thing will remind them of that fool who crushed their heart, and everyone, including their friends will feel the blunt end of it all. Do they still have feelings for this person? Do they even want to let go? Most of the times, your friend is seeking attention. She needs an ear. I must admit, I have looked the other way and sometimes haven’t invited folks out because I didn’t want to hear that all men were scum of the earth. I mean I’m just trying to get groceries and I must here that the cashier looks like your ex, who was a dog. If you feel you don’t get invited out much anymore, it might be that negative aura you carry.

As friends, we should support, listen, encourage etc. If you have a situation where you have a negative friend or perhaps you are the negative friend, do these 3 things. STOP, ASK, and LISTEN!!!..... Stop changing the subject and blowing off these comments. Stop being so dang negative. Ask your friend and yourself, what is wrong? How can this be fixed. Listen to your friend and listen to yourself, you are caring too much on your heart and mind. Let it go. Release.

Disclaimer: If your name is close to the names listed, you know someone by those names or you are an Iota, this is not directed toward you or them. I had to think of some names to use instead of the real ones.

Open Relationships: Are They Wrong?

Open Relationships...here's my $0.08…

I think "open relationships" are what we have decided to call people that are just playing the field. I don't agree with that definition. Individuals that are still getting to know themselves and getting to understand what they like can go out, flirt, and in some instances be intimate with who they like. One doesn't have to be a whore about it...but there is nothing wrong with it. In those cases, I’d call it dating. I’ll touch on that later.

Open relationships or "an Understanding" is when 2 people have agreed or it’s understood that although they care for one another, they choose to not be or just can’t be committed. Again, when they are together, they will do what couples do, but when they are not together, they will do whatever else. Are they bad or good? If the communication is not on point, there can be trouble. I talk about this because I ended up in an “open relationship.” This was not my initial intent but it happened. I met a guy and we hit it off. I found out that he had a girlfriend and I made the decision to continue to talk to him. We both shared how we felt, but we both knew that we weren’t committed. How could we be? He had a girlfriend and in my case I was still considered by the government, as single. It was an experience. When we were together, people thought we were together, officially. We were the perfect non-couple. Being me, I wanted more. Yeah I know, I knew what it was in the beginning, but it happened.

Open relationships are not healthy. Even if the communication is efficient, it’s natural that someone will start to want more. Like me.... It is not normal to put feelings and emotions on hold, either act on them or move on. I got some advice from folks. They said I was impatient. But I had to take a step back and look at those individuals and their situations. Needless to say, don’t take advice from folks that can’t even handle their own can of worms. But I digress, I am happy to say that I moved on. It just made sense. We all needed a boost of maturity. BUT this is not to say that Open relationships don’t work for others, but I think it works for individuals who are not looking for the real essence of love or a true commitment. I look at is as someone who doesn’t want the responsibility or accountability a committed relationship will require.

What do you think?