Text messaging has become the "call me" in relationships. Where just 3 years ago, you'd say "I'll call you when I get home," now it's, "just text me.” We text for everything. Conversation is a thing of the past. Now that most phones get at least 160 characters per text, once could hold a convo via the iPhone and never break a sweat. I'm here to talk about Texting in Relationships. What is the limit? Does this help or hurt a relationship? Are we that lazy? This blog is for the people that have used Texting as their main way to communicate and develop a relationship. Here is my $0.08.
I’m going to come out of the gate and answer the questions based on myself. There should be a limit to text messaging. It does not hurt the relationship unless that is the only form of communication. I am kind of lazy. Now.. let me say that I didn’t always text people. I was the person who said, “call me.” I loved to talk on the phone and was actually turned off by the “I’m not a phone person” response when I would wonder why I haven’t actually heard from someone. So now 2+ years, 3 phones (including 2 PDA/Smartphones) later, I’ve become the opposite. I must admit, texting has become the quickest and easiest way to get a point across and continue about my day. But today it’s become part of my everyday life, it’s a little bit out of control. I blame my PDA. …OKAY, so back to the main question….
How does this affect relationships!? It can have an indirect affect on your relationship. If you just met someone and you develop a relationship via text, what are you really learning about them? You can’t hear their voice or catch a true reaction to a comment. There is a lack of intimacy. Can you truly get a warm feeling about someone via text? Perhaps, but the text better be creative. What’s interesting is that the people I text the most, when we are in person…we have great conversations. Doesn’t that make up for the texting? Perhaps, but if the conversation is as strong in person, it should be equally as strong on the phone.
I think when people hear about “calling” someone, they might think they will be on the phone for hours. This may not be the case. I don’t think you have to be on the phone with someone for days to show the depth of the relationship or even to get to know someone. In the end, it’s the quality of the conversation over the number of minutes you talk. So as it relates to relationships, when should you just pick up the phone? I say once every 5 – 8 days. If you are a habitual texter (like me)…this works but only if you see this person often enough, 20 min convos will not be hard to do. Days will also vary depending on distance and your interest in the person, but overall you are merely saying, “I thought enough about you to pick up the phone.”
In the end, texting has to be a mutual understanding. I think if two individuals can agree that texting works for them but they will try to see each other more often than none, then it works. Let me say that JUST texting does not work. The relationship will eventually become trivial. You must talk on the phone. You must get that familiarity with your interest. Phone convos allows for more spontaneity and true responses. When you text, you can actually sit and think about what or how you want to respond. That can be fake, embellished, or even ignored. You want to catch and hear those little quirks that add to the uniqueness of your relationship. There are only so many “emoticons” you can add in a text to describe your emotion.
4 comments:
Since you are a habitual texter, ask yourself would you rather receive hugs or handshakes from your loved one? bc that's the difference btwn phone calls and text messages. Sure, a text is cool for "B ready @ 8" or "I'm on the way" but have a back n forth convo can make things complicated bc things can be misinterperted. While its definitely a case by case bases i stll find it hard for one's relationship to grow without verbal communication. So while texting may be the current "way of life", imagine if your significant other would break up with you via text message, then you'll really be sreaming OMG!!!!
Very well put sportznut! I would have to say I would agree with your view. A text msg is great for "little" things but people in my life whether friend, lover, or family member I would rather call them to let them know that they are more important than the average text. And while we are on that note, it irks me like crazy when people feel the need to text MERRY XMAS...what the???? First of all, if all I get is a text and not a phone call I would prefer to be removed off that particular text blast. It goes to an immediate delete with no response. I call people that mean something to me more than I text. Verbal messaging is the best. And why is it that people who say they are all into their PDA's, iPhone, BB, etc and still go without responding to important emails/text...blows my mind really...oops that might have been a personal thought I should have kept to myself to those who are hooked to their PDA's! Ha! I love blogs!
I actually disagree with the 1st two comments. I think texting is the best invention since slice bread! I'm one of those people that was never fond of talking on the phone. I would rather go to your place and have a sit down pow-wow than sit on a phone that makes my ear hot! I hold full conversations, and manage to keep the love moving, all via text!
DR4
Text messaging can either hurtful or helpful to a relationship. I for one know exactly how it can be hurtful because you don't know what the person on the other end is doing and what the interpretation of the message will be. On the other hand if you and the other person have an established understanding and relationship, then text messaging can truly bring you closer together if you don't have the capability to acutally speak to that person.
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