Mixing the messages:
So I like this guy and I call him. We share similar interest. He and I send random text messages to see how each other are doing, the typical “Just saying hello” text . We make plans to go out, but sometimes things come up on both of our ends. We are really going with the flow. I ask for favors because it gives me another reason to see him, he quickly agrees to assist. When we do hang out, we talk about life, our dreams, politics, music, and random thoughts. It’s very chill. We can spend hours on the phone without getting bored. It’s similar in person. I assume there is a connection. I decide to express my feelings, putting everything out there, at least about potential and how I felt. I mean this “friendship” was spanning 6 months. His response, “I don’t feel you that way.” Wow…really!? How did I miss that…?
FAST FORWARD: Okay, so in this situation, I see the messages sent were missed on my end or were they? I took someone’s “random acts of kindness” as some sort of interest that was or could be more than friends. How could this have been handled differently? Perhaps he was just a “nice guy.” But he had to know. Here’s my thought, we are all smart individuals, if you know someone has interest in you and you don’t feel the same way, I think it’d be best to cease the time spent. Stop doing the “I’m going out of my way” favors. For example, if you came over to watch the football game, leave shortly thereafter. It doesn’t make sense to stay and watch a movie or order some food, if you don’t have interest. Sending the wrong messages can only complicate a situation and in the end, you could loose a potential good friend. I think we did.
Being in Denial by avoiding Reality:
Actually I was involved in a situation where a young man liked me; he even said he could love me. The “head scratcher” is that I never dated him and never gave him an idea of interest. We had a common interest, sports. We hung out in groups, no solo dates. I thought we were becoming good buddies. He expressed his thoughts and I respected them. I told him I just saw him as a good friend and that I wasn’t interested in anything further. To my surprise, he didn’t think I was serious. He was very persistent, even bothersome. Well I took the “avoid” approach. I didn’t talk about relationships, dating, or anything related to those topics when we talked. I kept it kosher. We talked about sports and anything else. After all we were friends, what could it hurt!?...
FAST FORWARD: I can say that he eventually professed his like/love on several other occasions after the fact. I had to stop talking to him. I had to now limit myself to coming out with my friends because I thought he’d try to “holla”. He was in denial. He couldn’t accept my reason. I guess it wasn’t good enough. In any case like this or if you feel you are in a similar situation. Follow the actions of the person you are pursing. I can’t stress enough that “Actions speak much louder…etc.” And if you are on the other end, be cautious of your actions. Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort level that you’ve created with that individual and switch it up. He finally said he realized that me being in his life on that level was NOT in the cards. He wished me the best in my pursuit of happiness.
To this day we don’t even talk. I write a text to see how he is and then I delete it because I don’t even want to mix any messages.
Give me your thoughts on how these could have been handled differently or how you have been in situations where things were not what they seemed!!!
5 comments:
Well... I've been on both ends of the stick as well. I think sometimes, this type of situation cannot be avoided. Often times, people receive "data" differently. The best thing is to clear the air, and ask the person in the language they're speaking. I've also been a victim of where I've made my intent very clear, and the other person right out deceived me into believing something else. All liers will have their place in the lake of fire (ha ha ha ha).
~DR4
I think alot of times its men trying to get you to have sex with them, so therefore they tell you want you want to hear, so that they can get what they want. The best thing is to feel ppl out and really get to know them first. Yes, its best to clear the air up front so that there isnt any miscommunication, but at the same time a man is going to be a man, and like I said before tell you what you want to hear.
This was a pretty good read, and definitely not too long.
I completely understand where you are coming from cause I myself have been on both sides. Its a no-brainer that in each relationship whether its just a friendship or more, that you need to be 100% honest with that person. Dragging out the situation will only make things worse in the long run. In rebutal to a statement, men don't always tell you what you want to hear. There are some who actually mean and stand behind what they say. Godd topic.
I apologize for not leaving a true comment my last visit.
The first situation - from reading your post I cannot understand why he would feel that ways after all the time and effort he invested. I have been in that situation but it wasn't as investing and the female wasn't as attractive as you. I don't know - maybe he saw where he really enjoyed your friendship and felt like he stood a chance of hurting a good friend in the long run. That's possible.
The other situation - I think you handled it well. Actually I don't think either situation should or could have been handled any different. Again, I've been in situations where the female only wanted a friendship and I wanted to take it further. I hate to see any man not realize this and end up being 'rejected' in a way which, often times, damages his ego. If he's strong he will accept it and move on and gain a friendship. If not then what can I say?
Good read.
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