Open Relationships...here's my $0.08…
I think "open relationships" are what we have decided to call people that are just playing the field. I don't agree with that definition. Individuals that are still getting to know themselves and getting to understand what they like can go out, flirt, and in some instances be intimate with who they like. One doesn't have to be a whore about it...but there is nothing wrong with it. In those cases, I’d call it dating. I’ll touch on that later.
Open relationships or "an Understanding" is when 2 people have agreed or it’s understood that although they care for one another, they choose to not be or just can’t be committed. Again, when they are together, they will do what couples do, but when they are not together, they will do whatever else. Are they bad or good? If the communication is not on point, there can be trouble. I talk about this because I ended up in an “open relationship.” This was not my initial intent but it happened. I met a guy and we hit it off. I found out that he had a girlfriend and I made the decision to continue to talk to him. We both shared how we felt, but we both knew that we weren’t committed. How could we be? He had a girlfriend and in my case I was still considered by the government, as single. It was an experience. When we were together, people thought we were together, officially. We were the perfect non-couple. Being me, I wanted more. Yeah I know, I knew what it was in the beginning, but it happened.
Open relationships are not healthy. Even if the communication is efficient, it’s natural that someone will start to want more. Like me.... It is not normal to put feelings and emotions on hold, either act on them or move on. I got some advice from folks. They said I was impatient. But I had to take a step back and look at those individuals and their situations. Needless to say, don’t take advice from folks that can’t even handle their own can of worms. But I digress, I am happy to say that I moved on. It just made sense. We all needed a boost of maturity. BUT this is not to say that Open relationships don’t work for others, but I think it works for individuals who are not looking for the real essence of love or a true commitment. I look at is as someone who doesn’t want the responsibility or accountability a committed relationship will require.
What do you think?
9 comments:
I don't disagree with open relationships. They seem to work for some--I just know they aren't for me. I tried it once and came to the realization that I don't like sharing. Dating and seeing what's out there/having someone to chill and have fun with is one thing, but to me an open relationship is a non-releationship. All the communicating in the world won't stop someone from having feelings, and the person with the deeper feelings usually ends up with negative emotions as a result of the situation.
When it comes to love and relationships, I think open relationships are for people that aren't really serious, or else aren't quite ready to handle what come with being in a real, committed, relationship. I don't like to share and don't have a lot of confidence in a person that is "okay" with sharing me with others. I feel like open relationships are for people that want the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities(having the sense commitment that makes a relationship a relationship). Are they wrong?-I can't judge, but it's definately not for me.
Is there a such thing as an "open relationship"? I don't think so. One of the meanings of relationship is "a closeness or emotional connection with another individual." Having an "open emotional connection" is an accident waiting to happen.
One of the reasons God created man and woman was for us to be together to form ONE union, with ONE person. Anything else is outside of His perfect will.
From a perspective of a woman... we innately are emotional beings. How then do we expect to separate our God given emotions, to play along with the will of another?
In my past, I too played along in an "open relationship". Of course, I eventually caught feelings for this person (which were not returned). Needless to say, it did not work. I was attempting to fill in a void that could only be given by the Creator Himself.
I think open relationships really is another way to say you are dating someone. I agree that if you are in a open relationship commitment is not the focal point. However, if both individuals agree to have an open relationship who is anyone to say whether if its right or wrong.
I think in an open relationship there will be times where someone may generate more feelings but so what. If it doesn't go both ways or if the other person still doesn't want that commitment then that's just the way it is.
Hmmmm, when I think an open relationship to me that means you are not in a relationship officially but your behavior says otherwise. I don't disagree with dating(what an open relationship seems to really be) but I think that title confuses things. In every situation I have been in or observed with others things are not always as difficult as they seem.
I think if someone presents this open relationship to you the first thing to do is step back and evaluate what it is you want from this person. Do you want whatever you have going on to develop into a healthy and committed relationship or do you just enjoy thier company. If you choose the former then I wouldnt suggest an open relationship. If you choose the latter then call it what you will, the end result will be the same. Just make sure it is what YOU want. I think thats the only way for it to work, assusimg it can work at all.
I think open relationships are stupid. I think the point of a relationship is to get to know that person so that you see if they are someone you want to build a future with. In an open relationship I would feel like im not good enough for that person to want to get to know so they still want to test the field. I guess on the other hand you could feel like im good enough so they can date as many people as they want im still going to be the best but I dont know how many people would actually feel that way.
You would also need to be a strong person emotionally to be able to deal with an open relationship, because if not you always have to think about who that person was with the nite before when they didnt answer the phone. And you also have to guard your feelings carefully so that you dont fall for the person before they fall for you. It just seems to be so easy that its so complicated.
In the example you gave I think that its an open relationship if the girlfriend agreed to be in an open relationship too. Otherwise thats just cheating and thats a whole new subject. LOL. Just my opinion though.
WOW...I love the comments. And yep, perhaps I didn't lay out all the information about my little situation because I didn't want to write a book. An open relationship is between 2 people that are not going to be committed to one another, now if you say well one person has a girlfriend/boyfriend, that is just cheating, well I can agree. But it can also be considered an open relationship, because the relationship is open with the other person, not the person you are with.
Relationships like these are not in God's will. I definitely asked for a reality check from God so I can get back on the good foot. FYI...I'm on the good foot now...
I just know feelings are not something we should play with in any relationship, be that open or committed. So if we make these decisions, just be prepared for the results that follow.
I think open relationships are just a way for a man to have his cake and eat it too. And how do I know this?? Well lets just say an exboyfriend of mine told me we could either break up or be in an open relationship b/c he wanted his cake and eat it too. Sounds selfish huh?? Of course I didnt agree to that nonsense. Why even be in an open relationship? What are the pros to it?...none but to be on someone's standby list. And the dangers of that is--what if one of you fall in love with someone else while in this open relationship? Man, I would hate to be in that situation. I personally wouldnt entertain the thought of an open relationship. Dont make someone a priority when you're only an option. **There goes my .02 cents to add to E's .08 cents**
open relationships are fine, depending on what stage and frame of mind you'e in> If you've been around the block a few times,married, divorced or widowed...and you just want to enjoy the company of the opposite sex, then why not date others. woman have so many varied interest and m..it's way too complicateday times the average guy jus can't compete...soooo you might have a "movie guy" a theatre guy, a travel buddy, even just some one to cuddle with on a cold rainy day...some men can be all that...many can't...now these relationships don't have to be intimate, many times they are not...often they are...but then again, it's what the people involved agreed to...younger men and women, your age who are looking for that life partner (husband) should not even consider this arrangement
I've experienced the "open relationship" thing once or twice before. Its okay until, as you said, someone starts wanting more. No one can say whether its right or wrong; it all depends on the person and the situation. Commitment-phobes of course would like them, but those of us who aren't afraid of commitment tend not to do too well in open relationships because eventually we need more that just empty words and promises. Sometimes situations (such as the one you described) call for open relationships, but if you know you can't be cool with that, then, as you did, you have to pick up and move on. Open relationships are definitely not for me, but for some unknown reason I always get caught up in one. I've learned to move on before I get too caught up though...
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