This is not about the infamous Alfred Hitchcock black and white, although some have equated this topic to murder or a death sentence. I want to talk about the M word….Marriage. I going to try and lightly touch this topic because at some point I will pursue this type of relationship. This is for the individuals who think marriage is a wasted effort. It’s a step to no where, a hassle, or an inconvenience. Or who question why people still get married, I mean what’s the point.
I had a conversation with a male friend about a month ago. He argued that 1) he didn’t see the purpose in marriage in today’s society because the divorce rates prove that marriages do not work. He said 2) it is best to stay in a “committed” relationship with someone without the “marriage” label. He said as long as you love that person, it should not matter. As you can tell, this was a good conversation, depending on your position. Let’s dig in.
Where do I start with this? Why get married? Besides the tax benefits (just kidding)…getting married is the highest plateau of relationships. It is a blessing. Marriage is a true testament of commitment with someone you love because you are pledging to be with someone for the rest of your life. Love, sacrifice, compromise, commitment, these are a few things that go into this relationship. With just these few pieces of the puzzle, we should agree that marriage takes two to work. What is the purpose of marriage in “today’s society”? The purpose has not changed. It shouldn’t. You are making a life commitment with someone you love. Period. You should not care about how society thinks and how it has portrayed marriages. Society is fickle. Just a thought.
I am first to agree that, at my age, it is rare to see marriages last longer than 5 years compared to our grandparents, who are celebrating 25 – 50+ years together. I think that majority of Generation Y (people born 1980+) have a different view about marriage. To name a few, most are getting married because of an unexpected pregnancy, there are dependency issues or just because “I want the fairy tale wedding/ring.” Marriage is work (from what I hear) but I don’t think you have to be married to know it is hard work. Any relationship worth keeping is hard work, especially if you are talking about for a lifetime. So what happens when you realize that this is not what you wanted? Divorce of course. For most, that’s the easiest move to make. I think EXTREME cases should only warrant this option. So now that this option is as easy to make like paper or plastic, the divorce rate will go up. In the end, you are left with an even more skewed sense of what marriage is about.
“I’ve been committed for 6 years, but I do not want to get married.” What is that about? I think people who choose to be with someone for 5+ years and do not intend on getting married are scared or are just NOT truly ready to commit. This is a life long commitment. These people would rather “play house” but when times hit rock bottom, I believe they will be gone. Isn’t it easier to leave someone without going through all the legal woes that divorce can bring? Isn’t it quicker to pack bags and go stay with your family? If you are quick to make these decisions, then I don’t think you are ready for marriage. When in a marriage, these should not be options. I do think there are situations that are just not meant to be and in those cases, it’s best for the party to split, but I think you should weigh all options before going this route. There are many resources out there that are suppose to help you keep the relationship in tact when you think you’ve run out of options. Talk to your pastor, your parents or perhaps a marriage/relationship counselor can work. Don’t sell the relationship short. You should not give up.
What have we learned? Marriage is the truest testament of commitment with someone you love but it takes some work to maintain. It is not impossible. Once you’ve found a partner that is willing to stick it out and who loves you unconditionally, you will be in the best relationship. If you are not ready, just date..LOL.. The dress, the cake, the “status” will come soon enough. This way you will not be a statistic and you will be learning who you are and what you like, so when the time comes, you WILL be ready.
